Pg 21
Mon Jun 12
Up at 6. Thought it rained in night – sound of brook next to
camp ground, Woke up to utterly clear skies. The water is Fall River – bridge
crosses it at campground – we went up to sit, liten to the roar.
Coffeecake
breakfast. Tension with Jesse almost from outset- rove to trailhead for walk up
Cow Creek to Bridal Veil Falls. Had trouble finding trailhead, worrying (I was)
if we could make hike + still get to raft rendezvous on time. Also nervous
about
Pg 22
Rafting. Gorgeous hike across open meadows with aspen groves
– greenish bark, brilliant lime-green new bursts of leaves – glowing in
sunlight. All the way to falls, I felt good, strong, in touch, though of essay
, about how Jesse + I experience land differently. For him it is test, physical
challenge, pitting his juice against power of country. So he’s drawn to lan’s
power – stone, mountain,
Pg 23
waterfalls, size/distance. I’m more interested in land’s
texture, details – wildflowers, butterflies (tiny deep blue ones over much –
several dozen), birds. He wants to move, push twd destination; I want to savor
details. In harmony up to Bridal Veil Falls – we both thrummed to power of it.
On way back, argued over whether we should camp alone tree-line, in snow. He
truged ahead, cut off from me. We had furious, showboy
Pg 24
Argument in car on way to rafting – I scarcefly saw the
gorgeous, rocky cavern of Big Thompson River. He insisted on my being out of
touch with him – then, key complaint, my gloom, dark view of world. Gave me
much thought.
Rafting --> see p. 29
Elk chasing
coyote at dusk – as we rove from ranger station to camp. Cooked supper after 8,
much tension broken by rafting. Lost my jeans!
Full moon-
broken clouds. Gorgeous moon all night – tent flap open. Bed at 10.
Pg 29
Rafting (from p. 24).
Jesse reserved spaces for “Wild + Scenic” 12-mile (2-3 hour)
trip down Poudre River (pronounced poo-der) with A-1 Wildwater Adventures, out
of Estes Park. We rendezvoused n. of Estes Park. Drove in van to put-in and river
we were passing looked murderous. I really wondered about wisdom of this – and,
as in Boundary Waters, my strength. Guides played
Pg 30
Up dangers – but there had been two flipped rafts already
this young season; and during journey – Jesse + I in front, one guide and a
guide-in-training in middle, and young, new (it turned out to be his first
trip with customers, after about two weeks of training!) small, very wiry (no
fat when his T-shirt was off) Eric in rear guiding _ steering _ calling out
orders:
Pg31
Forward Paddle, Back, Stop, Left, Right and Jum (toward object,
to keep raft from capsizing). Put in – practiced commands. I was guide
lead paddler (left front) first half; I switched to let Jesse do it second
half, when we stopped for a break. Once in raft, after a few tense
minutes, I relaxed – we seemed invulnerable, sliding over rocks + rocking
through waves (some were at least 3’ tall). A number
Pg32
Of local people to whom we der described our plans
though we were mad to ride 12-mile trip on Poudre in this high, tumultuous
water. Guides enjoyed it. We were kept busy, aler with our paddling – but I
glanced at the impressive stony banks, bluffs, cliffs; an I kept watching
Jesse, who was glowing with pleasure. He really dug in hard on the
Pg33
Paddling, making as much of a struggle out of it as he
could. But it was a struggle – the guide was worn out, and even the
observer-guide + trainee looked ready to quit. It took us 2 ½ hours. Crossed
through scene where they were shooting ep TV episode of Texas Ranger –
we got to see Chuck Norris’s double glide across the river on a cable. Many
trailers, contrivances + people spread along both
Pg34
Banks and even in river. One officious man with
whistle waves us to hurry past – and all guides were indignant.
Wonderful bucking,
twisting of raft as it hit waves, rapids, cascades. I felt excited, but alo
oddly serene in midst of tossing, bursts of spray renching me. We wore helmets,
wet-suits over shorts + T-shirt (my ASLE
Pg35
shirt, carrying my
name downstream!), life preservers, I went barefoot wore my shoddy boat
shoes w/out socks – they were instantly soaked. (They’re still wet
clanorig? Tues. night as I write these notes – but my boots, after snow-shoeing
are sodden). Not aware of cold, thanks to sun + wet suits. Woman driver –
Shawna, in cut off jeans + white bra-top + deep tan – kept watching for us
Pg36
From various spots down on shore as we bucked +
rocked + glided downriver. My joy was more than doubled by watching Jesse.
*
Thoughts for essay on walking/rafting/camping/snowshoeing in
mtsn with Jesse:
1.
He’s testing himself; to see what he’s made of,
what he’s capable of.
2.
All young men have need of test, feel
Pg 37
their juice. Where are older men to
teach them, to channel this energy + will into socially – useful forms?
3.
We don’t need knowledge of land in order to survive.
It’s not a life-or-death matter (in human short run) that we know land, be
observant. Without life-or-death, how make the land-knowledge matter? How
enforce behavior w/out taboos, rligious/spiritual
Pg38
4.
Recall my own teenage feeling of my juices –
running in woods – trying it barefoot (my feet bleeding).
5.
Jesse wants to do what is physically hard –
whitewater rafting, snowshoeing, backpacking, rock-climbing, mountaineering. I
want to do what is intellectually, spiritually hard.
6.
Recount our dialogue: “Dad, what bothers me the
most
Pg39
Is how you see the world – problems
everywhere, angry at people for all their destruction + waste. It depresses me
to see the world as ruined. I’m young. I want to believe there is hope.”
So do I-
for Jesse’s sake and for mine, for the world’s.
7.
Take off from Wallace Stegner’s view of the
American West as “the geography of hope,” and why he later
Pg 40
Recanted or modified that view.
8.
I can take the occasion of the hike as way of
writing about need for hope, and where I find it in the land ,in human
knowledge (skills that bring us here), in materially simpler life.
Pg 41
(our time
here savoring the minimal things) in hard-won community between Jesse and me, in
comradeship with other journeyers. In other words, the Colorado trip becomes a
frame on which I can hang the various sources of hope – and search for hope is
impelled by Jesse’s condemnation of my dark view of the world. If at the same
time,
Pg 42
I can make this a study in the Colorado Rockies, it could
serve for American Landscape.
9.
Camping is a reminder of how little we truly need-
Thoreau’s search for the essentials.
10. Layers
in essay:
a.
Father-son
b.
Rocky Mtn journey
c.
Search for grounds of hope
d.
Young man’s initiation
- what world do I want to give
him? (Problem of ecological despair.)
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